Dear Love

Dear Love,

I really don’t know what to say. It’s normal, I think, that I still considered you as a stranger. I’m not sure if it’s you I encountered not a long time ago or should I say I can’t (really can’t) considered it as you. Perhaps, it’s just an imagination or illusion that somehow I felt your presence. How I wish it was you. But as I reconsider it, the answer would be really ‘No’. What I felt is nothing compared to how people you already met describe you. They say you’re really powerful that when they met you they just have to oblige. You are everywhere. People talk about you endlessly. And for someone like me I can’t help but have this feeling of wanting to know you.

I love the idea of being in love. But as I look into the mirror I ask myself, am I ready to meet you? Have you? Feel you? The answer would be probably ‘No, not for now.

And please spare me just for now, just for this moment. Though I’m really curious about you, that don’t mean I am ready to come across you yet.

As I’ve said a lot of people say things about you. Like when they encountered you, everything in their life changed. Some might say before they have had you, they’ve been through a lot. They’ve been hurt, their heart have been shattered, cried because of false hope that they met the real you. But everything they’ve been through contributed on who they are now; happy contented with meeting you.

In my case, I want to be ready for all those kind of things. So while I’m waiting for the right time to meet you, I would let myself grow, learn and prepare for the things that come along with you.

I would let myself grow. In time I’m going to be matured and confident enough. I would try to let go of my insecurities to be confident enough to be woman, a real one. Cause how come someone would love me if I myself can’t accept the fact that I have imperfections. Even if I’ll do everything just to get rid of it, our society set a very high standard that an ordinary lady likes me can’t easily achieve. Soon enough I know I’m going to learn to love myself for who I really am and not for what the society dictates me to be.

I would let myself learn. Learn on what life is teaching me. Learn enough things that I can brought along in my journey cause no one exactly knows what this life has to offer. Maybe for now, I’m still trying to figure out where my journey would lead me to and as Taylor swift sing it out, maybe for now I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world, but I would stay strong on whatever challenges this life have. In that way I can be prepared for the things that come along with you like heartaches.

As some people said, you and pain comes in tandem. For some reason, many believe that you won’t feel love without getting hurt. And some might point you out as the cause for their pain. I kind of disagree with that. For me, the real reason why people get hurt when they’re in love is because of lies, pride, regrets, expectations and a lot others that we vulnerable human create. It’s just that we tend to expect a lot from others and when they can’t meet this expectation we are so disappointed. We are all created beautiful but not perfect and have different standards. We have to accept the fact that we can be wrong a lot of times. So what’s their point in blaming you for our own mistake? Come to think of it, it is love we turn to when we got hurt and have are hearts wounded; the one that gives us healing and makes us trust again and try again until we learn and meet the real, genuine love we all want. We just have to wait.

Yeah, I know, we ordinary human are impatient. We try to rush everything, even God’s plan; His plan of meeting you in His own righteous time. I would borrow a line from Joshua Harris’ book, “True love waits… it waits for the right time to commit to God’s brand of love – unwavering, unflagging and really committed.” This explains it all.

Anyway, I won’t make this too long. I just really wanted to tell you that I’m not afraid of you anymore but am still not ready enough to meet such powerful emotion like you. I’m on the stage that I’m preparing for our own encounter. So when I have to meet you face to face, there will be no turning back.

Some would probably say I’m saying this because I’m still young and idealistic, but I’m really hoping (very much hoping) that I’m going to meet you at the right place at the right time with the right person. And surely I will say waiting for you is truly worthwhile.